The Undercompleted Overhaul

man. i'm tired of all of this. i'm just about ready to fuckin' pack up my shit and leave. it's really nothing too horrible i'm just tired of it because it's the same shit over and over and over and over and over and over and over again that has been lasting too long and i don't want to deal with it.

Hmm..that was a restored draft. I'm not quite sure when i wrote that. But, in retrospect, i was right. In the past 6 months, i did pack up my shit and leave. I left to Madison, MS. Living with my sister and her boyfriend working at a pizza restaraunt called Soul Shine. Lol. Hippie joint. fresh made from scratch pizza's soups and poboys. Its a shitty dead end job, but it pays 12.50 an hour and they are working around my school schedule. I'm taking 12 hours worth of classes at holmes cc right now. Working towards something that'll be worth a damn someday. Got to. Need something better. It sucks living with these people, but then again the only person i've been happy living with ever was Kira. That went downhill(my fault) still haven't forgotten or forgiven myself. Oh well. yesterday is history, tomorrow's a mystery, today's a gift. That's why they call it the present. Thanks turtle from Kung Fu Panda and Henry David Thoreoux. anyway. I'm seeing someone new. Her name is ashley. She's sweet and innocent. Good christian girl. would love to change me. it's worked enough to put myself at peace with myself, but its not where she wants me to be. Smoking and drinking are adamant in my life. Love alcohol. Too much. i've cut back so i'm not drunk all the time, but i will drink a beer or two most every day. Sorry friends. Jarret, mostly. I miss all ya'll. I hate i was a jerk-off. i wish i could take it back, but life so far has taught me this is not possible, its all about moving on. later peeps

so who is this God that everyone speaks of? And I mean, really. Who is he? The general belief is that he is an omnipotent being that resides in an alternate dimension that he rules called Heaven. Ok...he sees over everything happening in the universe and he loves to let people be fucked with sometimes. Then again, he is loving to the people he created in his own image, so he helps a lot too.

Hm.

So luck. luck is the more tangible believable force that exists in the universe. Some people are luckier than others. Some aren't very luck at all. Shit happens to 'em all the damn time and they almost never get a break. People with good luck tend to always live, pardon the cliche, on the side of the fence with the greenest grass. Theres no real explanation that works to describe luck, but its just another force that seems to drive life and the universe.

Now. my opinion. luck and god are both superstition. the human mind is too curious to believe that nothing drives them. we are always searching for an answer and so, at an early age of mankind, tribes and such created gods that resided over them. this was simply to answer the question of how we came to exist. Now, over the past few centuries, because man is such an arrogant and territorial animal, some people had to believe that THEIR god, or religion, was much better and more "real" than others. thus the world responded with religious persecution and eventually wars just to prove that one religion was better than any other.

ok. damn..im rollin and high and drunk and lots of other shit...im tired of typing, but maybe ill look at this tomorrow and be able to elaborate a bit more.

There is much much MUCH too much shit goin through my head for me to not try and put some of it down in writing...or typing. i mean..i plan on being a psychologist or psychiatrist one day. im gonna have to write books and shit. might as well get started early. i got lots of stuff to write about to. especially things about social groups and society as a whole. crazy shit...okay..im gonna go somewehere else now.

later...peeps. : )

today is just another day.
and me and my friends are just growing into the drunks
and the liars that we've always hated
every shortcoming has trapped us, every mistake is now our
own infinite failure
so we steal every chance we get
every advantage is taken when no one's looking
we hide behind closed doors, and we don't stop until
we are the people we've decided we should be
i wanna be a shot heard round the world, fucking unstoppable
this distance is not something we'll regret
between here
and now
and then
and forever
and days after that till the very end.

And The Rest Can Burn In HELL!!!!

yea..so this is going to be another one of those pointless emotionful journal rants that go on and on and on about my life....again. but after all, isnt that what a journal is? a place to record your feelings and thoughts without any thought of judgement or criticism? i think so. for the most part. okay....so since my last little rant, nothing much has changed. im sleeping in a bed more often though..mainly because it's much more comfortable than a couch and also mainly because i have no backbone and cant sleep anywhere else unless She tells me too. Maybe thats not cowardlyness as much as it is love and the need to be held and close to the one u love. on my part anyway...i can make alll kinds of assumptions about her but i dont ever really know. kinda sucks sometimes, but in my opinion right now its alllll worth it. i love this bitch too damn much to give up and let her go. i dont want to...i cant...no matter how hard i try, my mind and heart just keep thinking and i end up either crawling or running back to her. i mean..its nothin real big that i try to do..just no matter how hard i try i cant seem to let myself let her go. i dont want to. i tried telling myself its just a fear of being alone that keeps me here but i know thats not it. that might be why she still puts up with me and hasnt kicked me out yet...but it also might be that she still loves me and knows that after a while we can be as we once were. but maybe not. but maybe. There's always that little part in my mind that believes there is noone else out there that is as perfect for me as she is and as perfect for her as i am. i know we both have our flaws, and its a complete shame that they all surfaced as soon as we moved in, but for me...most of the flaws are just part of growing up. living on ur own, budgeting, and living for no one but yourself. i kinda have problems with that and it sucks. a lot. iv got so much on my mind all the damn time that all i ever feel like doing is relaxing with a good bottle of liquor. i dont want to do that...alcoholism runs in my family and already i feel like im well on my way to achieving that little sumbitch that all the other males in my family have a problem with. i cant speak for her...she says little to me, but she stills wants my attention and affection and wants to show attention and affection to me. i love it. its...great. it would be much harder to deal with this if that lil bit wasnt there. i still have hope we'll be a couple again. god...i feel like such a fucking idiot though sometimes. like tonight...tonight i had a prime window to really do something nice for her and show her how much she has always meant to me, but i fucked it up cause im bad with money and MY FUCKING JOB IS HOLDING MY GODDAMNED PAYCHECK UNTIL FUCKING MONDAY A-FUCKING-GAIN!!!!! THEY TOLD ME I WOULD GET THAT BITCH ON FRIDAY, BUT NO!!! NOT TILL MONDAY!!! soo yea...that alllll fell through, all the shit i had been planning and all that. so what ends up happening? she goes to a movie with that guy she has a crush on a Circuit City and i end up at my friend tommy's house drinking. im such a loser. i fuck up and pig is there to pick up my slack and sweep the girl i love off her feet. maybe im overreacting...no...scratch that..i know im over reacting. i should just chill and go to sleep...but im too fucking wired over all this to go to sleep. maybe that potpie will help..or somethin...im not even drunk. 6 shots of patron and im not feeling diddly squat. whats the use?

gah...i want a different life. a life free of worry and love and hate and thought. a world where everything is exactly as it seems and nothing can be left to assumption..where a person can just...drink and smoke and take any drugs he/she wants without thoughts of the consequences..a world where money really does grow on trees and the sun is always setting on the beach. a world where people can have sex with people and not worry about stds or babies or anthing else...no bills...no worries...just living. wonderful...peaceful...quiet living.

goodnight.

Okay..so somewhere in Juneau, Alaska, a kid thought it would be cool to hang a banner in front of his school that proclaimed "Bong Hits 4 Jesus!"
...
first of all...that's the stupidest thing a kid could do in front of his school, aside from showing off an ak47 assault rifle to his liberal english teacher.

REally stupid...but kids do dumb things. the thing that really pisses me off about it is that the supreme court is hearing the case about the kid with his banner, and if they conclude that the banner was drug related, they will agree with the principle and keep the kid outta school..or something. to make it all worse...

Former independent counsel Kenneth Starr, whose Kirkland and Ellis law firm is representing Morse for free, argued that the justices should defer to the judgment of the principal. Morse reasonably interpreted the banner as a pro-drug message, despite what Frederick intended, Starr said.

School officials are perfectly within their rights to curtail student speech that advocates drug use, he said. “The message here is, in fact, critical,” Starr said.

Starr, joined by the Bush administration, also asked the court to adopt a broad rule that could essentially give public schools the right to clamp down on any speech with which they disagree. That argument did not appear to have widespread support among the justices. (courtesy of the MSNBC website)

that last paragraph kills me. what the fuck do they think they are thinking by "clamping down on any speech they disagree with?" stupid fucking government...heres the link to the whole story..its just all fucked up.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17687386/
Stupid kids and stupid government

Yea..i was wrong..a break couldn't be avoided. im living here. the "transition period" from relationship to break-up status has started. Sleepin on a couch. Its not bad. It's easy to take. The only thing that makes it hard is the fact that she is SOOO emotionless. It's weird. i never thought that a girl could act as heartless about a situation like this as she does. Whether it's just an act or not, it's makin things a lot harder on me than it should. if i still thought she cared a little bit then it would be much easier to let go. well..its hard either way..but like this i just feel like i mean nothing to her. I mean..i dont want bawling and sorrowfullness all the time...just..i dont know...something that lets me know shes kind of hurting too but this is still the best thing. i could deal with that easier. oh well. life's not easy. your gonna get hurt and people are gonna fuck with you, whether they mean to or not. i need to get over it..get over her. i want to be as emotionless and detached about the whole thing as she is but i've tried and i just end up breaking down. it doesnt work...with molly i could do that. yea, that first night was bad, but after that i was cold and uncaring. that's not working here. i don't know why, but it's not. oy. girls are evil. hot...sexy...manipulative...decieving...and evil. guys are easily duped because our nature is to fuck and most of the time we'll do just about anything to do that. (not that that's what my problems are now, mind you, im just stating a generalized fact.) One thing i cannot agree with though is that men are dogs. Men can't be dogs. For example, my dog Jack. He doesn't have much of a care in the world. He sleeps...plays...eats..drinks...and shits. He doesn't have to worry about much else...as long as he gets petted and played with once in a long while he's fine. no emotional trauma. he's happy. guys on the other hand are human.That means that we have weaknesses and feelings and when we fall in love with women, it just opens us up to pain and stupid emotional bullshit that we would rather deal with, but sometimes we do just because we think might be worth falling for. i envy those guys who have found a woman that they could marry and live with forever. i understand now, from a girls point of view, how hard it can be when a guy they like or love just seems to stop caring and detaches himself from any emotional attachment he might have. it's hard..i've done it to a couple of girls and to those girls...im sorry. this sucks. but...like the saying goes..karma's a bitch...and im gettin what's been comin to me.

Don't think its all as bad as this...im not tryin to sound like a whiny emotional bitch. i read into things and think about them and analyze them..it's the reason i want to be a psychiatrist so bad...analyzation of the human mind and the proccesses of human life and emotion is what i live for. Gah...curiosity and the pursuit of complete knowledge is what makes me pry into people's lives..though i try to do it with a lil respect and courtesy...it would just be nice is some people would let me know whats really going on inside their head, not just what they want to be going on. ::yawn:: im tired...i need more than 6 hours of sleep. stupid couch-bed.

God. It's been a while since i've posted a journal entry. Nobody's gonna read this is bet. If they do, oh well..there's not much to talk about. Im back in school at jcjc. i moved out of my parents house into an apt with Kira. We are still dating. Jacks doin good. I am now sporting a black mohawk. It's about 6 inches tall. Cool lookin, but annoying. It catches on things. School is okay...im takin two classes, both of which i had a high b in at midterms. Tiffany and i had a nice big fight about weed and my job, so we arent friends anymore. Tommy is a good friend of mine though. we like to sit around and drink and play video games. I don't smoke weed or cigs anymore, too much risk with the weed and the cigs are killin my lungs. Other than all that not much as changed.
..oh.
well, one thing has.
Kira and I are having some serious problems.

First some background. I suggested that we get an appartment together a back befored october of last year. We decided we should wait it out, see how our relationship is, and maybe do it later. Well, a few months later, she asked me to move in with her. I made sure it was what she wanted because i didnt wannna fuck anything up. I love her. A lot. I wanted us to last. So she says yes it is and we move. That was February 10. Less than a week later shes actin weird and she tells me she has a crush on a guy she works with. okay, its understandable to be a lil miffed but it reallly wasnt that big a deal. she loved me i loved her, its just a crush. next week, she needs her space, okay. i can understand that. she warned me before we moved in together she would need her space, and i told her to tell me when, cause its hard for me to read shit like that. Next week she tells me she's not sure she loves me. Ever since then our relationship has been on a downward spiral. I love her too much to give up on any hope that we can work this out. She thinks that if we stay together and work on things, ill make her feel the way she used to. Im trying as best as i can, but i cant change some things about me. She says she doesnt feel much emotional attachment to me, that we arent sexually compatable. She stills tells me she loves me, and that i make her happy, but it doesnt show. I know shes not happy where she is. This is a horrible position to be in, for both of us. I dont want to move out of this apt not only because i love her and want to be with her, and im willing to do anything i possibly can fix whats wrong, but i dont wanna move because i finally got out of my parents house and i dont want to go back. Im home all the time cause i like sittin on my ass and playin games and watchin tv. its what i do. If she wants to go out with out me or do somethin where im not included, cool, do it. i dont mind. If she wants to sit at the house, let me know, and ill go in the other room or ill go out. I shouldn't be expected to read HER mind and know what exactly SHE wants to do. I mean...i pay half the rent and bills here, i should be able to be here whenever i want, and she should also do what she wants to do. Gah!!! communication is something she doesnt seem to understand. She wont tell me anything without me prying it out of her. As much as i love her, and want to fix this, i cant help but become unhappy and pissed and start to fall out of love beacuse of the way all this plays onto me. IT HURTS. What makes it even worse is that i tried to make sure this is what she wanted before we put ourselves in this position because i didnt want to deal with all the pain and bullshit it has created. God. I want to be with her. she makes me happier than i've ever been. Shes supportive and caring and loving and fun and sexy and hot and cute and a good influence. Shes a great cook an awesome lover, shes smart and intelligent and flirty and sarcastic and all kinds of other things that made me fall in love with her. Our personalities match and we rarely argued, at least till i realized that she shares my tendency to hide feelings and suppress things thinking they will get better. I do that. I always have, but when im in love with someone, i cant do that. I want them to know how i feel and whats goin through my head. Since we have been togther, i have changed a couple of things about my self for her...and not just for her. I stopped smokin weed cause i got a ticket for it and the fact she didnt want me to do it anymore helped me kick that shit to the curb. I stopped smokin cigs because they were killin my lungs and are lethal, and the fact she doesnt like them is helping me stay away from it. yea, shes part of the reason, but shes certainly not the only reason. She helped support it. Im not using her as a crutch either, yea iv made some stupid financial desicions and have had to ask her for money, but i'm paying it back. im young, yes, but i have goals that have been my goals since i was little. those goals i intend to reach, with or without her. I dont expect her to be my "mother" and i dont want her to feel tied to me. I just want her to want to be my girlfriend. i want her to be the person i love and be loved by, the person i can come home to and crawl into bed with at night and curl up to and fall asleep next to. Sure, if it doesnt work out between us, then i'll go through life until i find another girl that makes me feel the same way. I just dont want another girl right now. i want her. i want her to want me. i wish there was something i could do to make this so, but there's not. i've tried everything i can think of. i have a feeling theres more going on inside her head that she refuses to tell me. there's got to be. she just wont, and it kills me to not know why. I still have faith there's enough left here to build on. Some lil thread of hope that keeps me willing to stay with her. We were happy before, then we moved in together, and we arent anymore. I know that if we just...work out..some schedule, or something...or something..goddamned. This is hope..this faith, it just...it just keeps dwindling and stretching and tearing and i know it will break eventually, i just hope we can fix our love before it does. God. It feels better to get all this shit out. There's noone i can talk to about this shit that cares enough to listen to how i really feel. most everyone i talk to just tells me the same thing and im not ready to hear that. A couple of people think its really just the move..learning to live with a person, and be able to come home to them every night is hard to do. Thats why i think we can work this out if we can just settle into a routine that works...something that lets us see each other without being overbearing, that lets us hang out and chill without drama and see our friends and work too with out feeling guilty about goin out while the other is at home. i dont want her to feel guilty about leavin me at home by myself. i dont. iv never felt guilty about goin out while shes home. i just...i love her too much..i need to be able to let her out, let her do what she wants...to keep my feelings inside and not let her know what they really are. If the feelings are important enough to warrant talking about, then ill let them out, but if it just makes her feel guilty and tied down and married, then ill keep them to myself...wow..i feel better. i feel like i've come to a relization about myself...i love her soo much i want her just to myself and noone else. thats not really what i want though...i want her to have fun without me. i want her to do what she wants, regardless of what i think. i dont want to shadow over her or control her or anything like that. i just...im holding on too hard i think. relationships shouldnt be work, and since we've moved in together, that's all it has been. im holding on to her too hard. i never did before cause i had all my own shit to deal with. now that im living with her, shes all i want to deal with. its pressuring and over bearing and shes tired of feeling like that. she wants us to be how we used to be...happy when we saw each other because it was rare that we got to see each other. letting go...its gonna be hard to do. i need to let go of her though...not as a girlfriend, just....let myself live my life and enjoy the parts thats shes in, while not trying to be with her all the time. I dont know. Thats the new plan. maybe itll work. but..im willin to try anything. If you bothered to read all of this emo-look-at-me heartache shit god bless you. i couldnt even bring myself to read it again. I just had so much i needed to get out some how and with no one willing to listen verbally, and not enough paper to write it out on, the keyboard was the easiest and fastest way. And Kira, if you read this, most of it you have heard before or know..just dont judge it...and dont think that i want this to be over. i dont.

and i forgot how to do cuts. sorry. but yea...thats it. nothin else is goin on in my life....oh, i work at The Edge now. Its a new New Orleans Style Resturant/ Bar thats next to Wagon Wheel video, where the mexican kitchen used to be. Im a cook. Good food and we should be getting alcohol sometime this week. Come by and check it out.

i heard on CNN today that we lost a planet. Supposed "planet officials", not NASA, decided that Pluto is actually too small to be a planet...

so now we have 8.

in our solarsystem, that is.

Pluto is actually a "dwarf planet"...

Slang: Midget planet

I thought we did this like...6 years ago? I remember reading in my 7th grade science book that pluto was a dwarf planet, but we still called in a planet.

Now we aren't anymore? What the fuck are space officials doing with our money?

why would they bother to measure a planet thats wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww~wwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaa~aaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy~yyyyyyyy
far ways from us? stupid fucking people.

here i am, sitting in a nice cleaned room, smoking a cigarette and a lil bit of weed. lisatenin to some kick ass music, and fun stuff like that. My babys on her way with a pizza. im happy. and jax here too.

happy jax.

i think that might be his knew name....

i kinda like it..big silvery wold dog...Jax.
what does yous think?


We are rome, Aztec New Mexico. We are animal farm pigs. We wolves in wolves clothing.

We are this planet's kidney stone.


Think about that last line. Let it sink in.
It's true and we've fucked ourselves

Peirced my nipples.


never thought i would go through with it. cool.

Your Linguistic Profile:

55% General American English

35% Dixie

5% Yankee

0% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

i neutered my puppy yesterday..

i kinda wanna kill myself for it.
::sad::

not really that extreme, but i feel really really bad.

My COMPUTERS DONE!! YAY!! pictures on kira's journal, punkybritesan.

since i've posted. Yes, a good while. Since the last time i posted many things have happened but not too much, so this is going to be a long yet not so long entry. Okay..the last time, I hadn't gone to see OTEP yet..but now i have.

6-6-06: OTEP. They kicked a lot of ass. The opening band, Manwhich, should have been shot in the groin 12 times with a desert eagle. Got a cool shirt and sticker and watched the lead singer grind a stuffed boars head into her crotch. HOT.

Then me and Kira, my wonderful girlfriend, drove around looking for a hotel, but to no avail, so instead we drove to hattiesburg, slept at her house, got up the next day and went to jackson to stay in a very nice jaccuzzi suite. It was our anniversary, so we drank champaigne and had bubble baths. Nice.

Few weeks go by..nothing exciting...

6-26-06: Lamb of God. They rocked something awesome. I mean..really awesome...best live performance i've seen yet. and Children of Bodom before them, i loved too. Good good shows.

Fast forward a bit..

7-3-06: Florida. Kira and I go to Pensacola, Florida to see my bestest friend Derek and his wife Aleta. Stayed till Friday, which was a blast. really. a blast. went fisshing, beaching, crabbing, pool shooting, pottery shopping, and played Final Fantasy VII till i was blue in the face. Friday, i brought Kira back to hattiesburg, smoked a blunt, picked up a couple of loritabs for me and derek to enjoy, drove back. Stayed until Monday...played more FF7 and Windwaker. Lost a pool tournament. Became broke as fuck...thats b-r-o-k-e as f-u-c-k.

This saturday i start working a Steak Escape again. I know, bad idea, but it's only one 8 hour shift every saturday...that works to 16 hours a paycheck..at $7.00 and hour, thats....::thinks:: $112 before taxes...little extra money rollin in. My first night back at domino's was last night and i walked away with $90. Not broke as fuck anymore..just broke.

Jack is big. Very big..if i stand on my knees and stand him up he is taller than me. and weighs about 52lbs.

Friend Bob is in the hospital getting his kidney removed, so sympathies to him...good friend Tiff's birthday is this saturday..Happy Birthday. early.sorry.

Yesterday i worked on the sentra, trying to shape the metal back out so i can put in windsheild and back window to drive around town (better gas mileage) and today i installed new brake pads on my mom's buick. I can't watch tv cause the vcr is fucked up.

Oh, and I bought kira and i a new toy, so to speak. A 7 peice bondage set. 4 cuffs and 2 8ft straps. They match her harness too...yay. we broke it in monday night. : )

I'm done, kids, enjoy.

You Are Dr. Pepper

You're very unique and funky, yet you still have a bit of traditionalism to you. People who like you think they have great taste... and they usually do. Your best soda match: Root Beer Stay away from: 7 Up

oh yea.. that's me. perfect

Your Stress Level is: 51%

You are somewhat prone to stress, especially when life gets hard. When things are good, you resist stressing over little problems. But when things are difficult, you tend to freak out and find it hard to calm down.

and for you interested in replying those meme things ya'll have..i dont feel like doing it today..check back later

Ohh today is a sunday....a nice sunday...woke up at a reasonable hour next to the prettiest big ol' baby blues i've ever seen. She's wonderful, it's amazing. I talk about her too much. So anyway..the past couple of days have been pretttty much uneventful. well..for the most part. ( For those who wish to know gory details of my ex )

That sucks. On the otherhand, still no drug test with dominos and that means i've gone too long without weed. I'm startin to get edgy. real edgy.

Last night me and Kira had the most wonderful date. She bought me dinner at La Fiesta Brava...where we played guess a number between one and 50..i got 41..ribeye steak, beans and rice and a cheese enchilada. She got some chili and peppers and cheese and beef soup with tortilla wraps...good food.

Then we went and saw a movie, the break up. Funny movie, but i'm still convinced that Jennifer Aniston will never be able to play any other character than Rachel. She just can't.

Then we had icecream...good icecream.

( Non work safe )

Then we went to her house and slept. A good long night's sleep for me, even though her room is hot.

And now i'm happier than i could be.


And Jack is 6 months old as of yesterday. I bought him a good chew bone and a fun new toy.

I love her. bye people, be good, and i will talk to ya'll again sometime next weeek...but

NEXT WEEK IS OTEP!!! FUCK YEA!!! I"M EXCITED!! YAY!


Gladiolus


isn't that the best picture of her and my puppy?

God, first of all i'm so goddamned tired. I didn't get home till 4 this morning. Not too bad, i can deal, but i didnt get to sleep until like 6 30 or or so, again i can deal, but i had to be at the store at 9:30 for a meeting. Wellll, i woke up at 9:40, dressed, and got there, in my mom's car, cause my parents stole my truck, in about 6 minutes. Thank the gods for getting behing someone going faster than i was. And i was going pretty fast. stood in the hot sun for this meeting, and that was that. I'm tired. i'm gonna go to bed, and i will update more things not today but soon next week. in the meantime, you should check out my girlfriends livejournal..punkybritesan..she has cool pics posted of her and her dog and her roomies dog and my dog. they are all so cute, but Kira is absolutely gorgeous in this one picture of her and my puppy. bye

LOOK! MINE!!! i just adopted him. He's fuckin cute.

Sneeze! It's hot outside. I'm taking a break from eating weeds. yes...eating, not smoking. i can't smoke...not for another week or so. I heard a little rumor from a friend of a friend of a friend and so on..that something un-druguser friendly is about to happen at my current place of business. i am lucky to have heard this because i really like this job, and don't want to be fired cause of a little girl named Mary Jane. I'm a dork. It's time to go outside now. I'm tired still. but jack is still cute and my parents are still assholes. like they always will be. now i am just seeing how fast i can type without hitting the backspace button or anything like that at all. just random stuff is coming out of my head through my neck, down through my arms, exiting through my fingers and flowing into the keys on the keyboard. from there, and buttons i am pushing send electrical impulses through the cord, into the back of the computer who uses a decoder to determine which keys i am pushing based on said electircal impulses. then, these letters are tranfered from the decoder into the text box on this HTML website. As i continue to type, the website automatically saves a copy of the page i am typing on every few minutes or so. this is to ensure that even if my computer decides to FUCK ITSELF WITH AN IRON MAIDEN, the webpage itself will sitll havge a copy of the text i have typed. interesting huh? not really. nough of this. i have to get more water and gooutside now. thank you for playing

burn

LORD! i am in a copmlete state of ecstasy...or however you spell that fuckin word. last night, i stayed with kira...stuff and stuff happened..things got goin reallll good..

and the hottest thing happens...she slaps me...rears back and lands her full palm on my ear/cheek. come on baby make it hurt so goood.

just..ohh. now i'm exhausted...but happy.so happy

I'm deeply in love with this chic.

it's almost maddening.........almost.


but aside from the happiest notes..yesterday sucked..

Well, not so bad until jarret and i went to go clean this house that we are moving into that is mysisters. Just..god i'm having financial trouble and i'm too proud to ask my parents for help. we need roommates. Badly. the two guys who were supposed to move in...well, one can't until he gets SENTENCED!!! on july 27th. the other....well..we don't really know where he is, or if he's alive. so those two are out. it's not expensive, it's nice..spacious...2 bed house with a big livingroom...i mean..shouldn't be too hard to find atleast one more right? maybe i'll try posting in the hattiesburg communities...

cocksuckers

im so tired.

so tired...i havn't really slept lately,m and i made the bad mistake of taking two benedryl to keep my alleergies away..

it wasnt my fault..there wasnt anything else to take and i thought i was going to have to kill my fucking nose and eyes and stuff.

UNFORTUNATELY i am tired. so damn tired. i could sleep for days..but i cant i have to be at work at 6.

6 to 10:30

wah..wah..wah.

still broke..maybe i can get tips or something tonight..or maybe gas...i ahve to go roll some change in order to get gas to get me to work, or maybe change to buy a padlock for work. not quite sure which one is more important yet. i think i may have enough gas to get me there..and maybe atleast one place around town..but maybe i can get gas at the house from the cans and stuff if there is any less

Stonehenge

i'm tired

and i'm hungry

I can't force myself to eat right now though. Having a new job means i'm strapped for cash, which isnt that big of a deal, it just means i can't spend money on cigarrettes or weed or anything else to make me feel better. It's gonna be like this until..oh yea..next friday when i get paid.

Goody.

At Domino's they have me training now to do things...it's all pretty...self explanitory and common sense and easy..but it's also trying to learn codes for a computer system that's old.

Real old.

Another week, and i'll be able to do anything in that store that i have to do, which really isn't much since i'm a driver. I can't wait till i start drivin by myself. Now, i'm riding with other people to learn the basic rules and things like that. I work again tomorrow and i'm going to ask the manager if i can drive by myself. It's not hard. Take pizza, get money, put money up.

Simple, right?

I thought so.

Until that happens though, and i start getting these tips everyone talks about, imma broka boy.

amanda has been blowin me off about cleanin the house cause she's too damn lazy. i might just go and break the lock and do it all today, since i'm not working, have no money, and nothing else better to do. well..maybe not..cause then i'd have to replace it, which takes money...so i may go ask for the keys and scrounge up some change to make a copy of said key. That would be best

And jarret is ignoring me..for the most part.

i understand, i kinda blew him off the other night, but i really didn't mean too...so he got his revenge the next day by telling me to pick him up and he'd come see the house, but he never showed at the place he told me he was, nor did he take my phone calls.

'least i didn't waste your fuckin' gas.

And kira has a beautiful new dog named Saja. She's full Alaskan Malamute. Absolutely the most beautiful dog i've ever seen. Gorgeous.

So in summary of all the things that happened this week..i hope jarret and i will talk again today and maybe he's still movin in...if not then i'm stuck at home for another..um..oh, the rest of my damned life.

Or i may just move to ...um...wow...that looks good...mashed potatoe bowls from KFC...ohhhhhh wow. anyway..i done forgot. ( Boo )